we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
