Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Randomize
