T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As shirtless as possible
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
