after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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