it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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