fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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