so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
