I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
