I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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