Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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