Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
