you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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