If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
