are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
