I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
