I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
