I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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