just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
