Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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