i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
