you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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