She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
