He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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