shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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