My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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