ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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