You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we're chasing vodka with high fives
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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