So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
