The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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