Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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