i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
