Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
