I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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