I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
