Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
