it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
