Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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