The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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