My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
