It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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