I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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