I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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