Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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