god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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