That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
