When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
