Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I love you. Go after that dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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