I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
