hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's official drugs can't kill me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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