you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
