Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
