took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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