look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
