dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
