u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
