theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
