Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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